a painful farewell

this is a picture of my dog, Hachiko and Mulan.

i know. Hachiko and Mulan are plural, so it should be my dogs instead of my dog. that's because ONLY Hachiko is my dog. Mulan is the dog we rescued about a month ago. some heartless prick dumped her at the roadside in front of my apartment along with another sibling of hers that we named "Badut". after 2 weeks of feeding her and Badut, one morning, we find that Badut has gone missing. someone has probably decided to adopt her - which was great! and not wanting to leave Mulan alone at the balai raya where they used to live, we decided to take her home 2 weeks ago to foster til someone adopts her.

the day i dreaded the most finally arrived today.

Mulan found a new home at my cousin's place in Inobong. me? i was left to cry and sob like a mother who lost her baby...

we never intended to keep Mulan as our pet, for we are living in an apartment where pets are not allowed. having Chiko alone is already against the rule!

the thing is, i've already grown attached to Mulan. she'd come and sit by my side all the time. she'd sleep beside my bed every night, under the cooling air of the air-cond. gawd, just typing this makes me sad and want to scream again!

I HATE HAVING A KIND HEART TO ANIMALS, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO DOGS!

I HATE BEING SAD WHEN A DOG LEAVES/DIED!

I DON'T WANT TO TO FEEL LIKE THIS AGAIN!

the last time i cried this much was when our pet, Lucky died. i was so devastated, i wished the earth would just open up and swallow me.

i wish that too right now.

i just wanna lie down and die...