February 7, 2009

depressed :(

I think I'm slowly sinking into depression again, only this time, it wasn't because the lack of love. It's because of the stupid sickness I had with me since 1991. Gastric ulcer.

How would you feel if you have abdominal pain every time you eat something? Or whenever you go to bed, you had to grit your teeth because your stomach hurts like hell? Even not eating gives terrible stomach pain. Let's not forget hard, solid foods that hurts the stomach (intestines). And the latest, drinking tea (which happened to be my favorite drink) induces vomiting. If those symptoms happened to you, I'm sure you'll feel irritated and depressed like me too..

I just threw up my whole lunch not too long ago, after drinking milk tea. The experience of sitting on the cold bathroom floor with my head on the toilet bowl was not something I enjoy doing. In fact, it was so painful, I cried like a baby... Took me almost 30 minutes to gain my strength to drag myself on the bed. To divert myself from feeling sorry about the whole situation, I turned to my notebook and viewed some old photos..

And then I saw this:

A photo of my dogs, Girly and BonBon with their neighbor (my cousin's dog) ZengZeng. It was supposed to be a happy photo, because I took the photo back in November, when my parents and I went to clear the graves of my late sister and grandmother. The dogs definitely enjoyed themselves that day, because there were so many space for them to run and hide from each other.

BonBon, the black dog, died on the eve of New Year 2009. On the morning before his departure, he went into my room, as usual, to greet me good morning.. and went back to his usual sleeping place. He was very sick then. I went to his bedside, stroke his head and told him how much I love him and how I wish he would get well soon, so he could wear the collar I bought him for Christmas. I went to my father's estate that morning, only to come back by noon with the news that BonBon had passed.

That thought made me sobbed even more.

I miss him so much.. I still couldn't look at his photos without shedding a tear. :(

Gosh, I think I'm going crazy today... all thanks to this stupid gastric.


  1. Girl, I have been sending my mom for the past 1 year plus to the hospital for appointments. She went through x-ray, ultrasound and that teropong thingy (I don't know what it's call), tried different gastric pills and tablets, however the gastric is still there.

    Last month we went for another hospital appointment, the doctor gave her a different prescription. This time the gastric were not as painful as it was. It is still there all the time, but there's no pedih ulu hati anymore.

    My mom lost 6 kilos last year, which made me so worry. I am a bot happy to discover the new medicine.

    Do you go for doctor appointments?

  2. I used.. but nothing seemed to work. Well it worked at first, but after some time it doesn't. :(

    Maybe it's the food that I take. I'm not sure..

  3. Kesian kau Ethel.
    Pls make sure what you mean does not contain more acids.. things like.. hmm how to say this... yg masam2, jeruk all those things. Gastric hates acids.. in fact, it is because of too much acidics inside.

    Whatever it is, hope you get over this real soon. Totally depressing when eating if this not cured. :(

  4. ada follow up ka??..minta rawatan segera...

  5. hi girl do take care don't ever skip meal speacially b'fast and lunch... i hate gastric too i am too one of the victim..hehe I hope you well and vomit it out...eat moderately ok..hehe thanks fro dropping by..take care


  6. Errr. U got gastric ulser? Is it serious. Oh man. I hope you'll get good treatment for that. Sorry to hear about your dog who passed away. Any replacement?

  7. sound painful, just remember don't take any ice cream. Your stomach will scream !!

  8. I wish I could give you a big hug, I know the same feelings you have been feeling too. When things pile around you, keep looking up! Take care of yourself, and I hope they can help ease the pain.